Shuffling through the Leaves

It has actually been kind of a blessing to have “lost” my iPod (John found it, and my clogs too, and they will probably arrive early next week). For months now I have relied on music to keep me motivated to walk, to up my speed to running at times. I truly felt that I was incapable of exercising without it. But today I went for a good long walk in the silence, along Eagle Lake, with no sound but my feet in the leaves and the whispering, hushing trees and at the end, raindrops tapping on the hood of my jacket. It left a lot more space for thinking, and contrary to what I believed, it did not slow me down: I think I actually walked a lot faster than usual. I was totally sweaty when I got back to the main house.

Today there was a field trip to the Adirondack Museum, which is an incredibly cool place, but I didn’t go. It felt too soon to leave, since I just got here yesterday.

I spent the afternoon reading through five years of old journals, notebooks I hadn’t looked at in probably ten years. It was emotionally exhausting. I had to take a big long nap afterward. And I realized that James Frey is right: the biggest reason not to write this book is fear. It’s a lot of fear.